A Seven Month Anniversary Reflection
on the evening of July 19th, 2009, i cut off my own left ring finger

   As i look at my nub now, seven months after having cut off the top two thirds of my finger, it amazes me how little the full fingers absence hardly phases me. As i type this very sentence i have to stop to realize how well i've adapted to typing with only nine fingers! I believe it took me only three hours to adjust and use my pinky to reach the "s" key. The rest of the keys i may have used my finger for before are now being typed by other fingers, and i can't honestly say i know which keys those are my remaining fingers are compensating for. Except for the "s" key! The "S" key seems to be the only key i ever stumble on anymore (unless i'm a little bit tipsy, in which case i revert back to thinking i'm typing with all ten and nothing comes out right).

   Perhaps i merely adapt well, or for once my short attention span is being used to my advantage in having overcome this so seemingly fast. Although it's hard to say there was really all that much to need to "overcome". When i awoke the next day after having had stitches put in at the hospital my finger was a little sore, but only as if i had whacked it on something. After about seven days i began to remove a couple of the stitches and after about ten days i had gotten them all out. The wound healed up over the end of my exposed bone-nub and the scab came off about a week after that. [the doctor, although he did not recommend i take out my own stitches, casually mentioned that when they were taken out they would "be cut properly below the knots and not through them" as he exited the room]

   Once the stitches had been removed and the scab peeled off, as well as a thick layer of dead skin around my entire nub (as if my finger was transforming through some miraculous re-birth) i found that it was cold, much colder, than the rest of my hand and would often turn redder, or purple. I saw a specialist and was told that it was actually healing up better than she would have expected it too after only a few weeks and that the cold i was feeling was merely because my circulation was damaged in my finger. I should have realized hands have arteries in them, considering what i was getting myself into. So long as i exercised my nub it would be fine, and it has been! It never turns as red or purple as it used too, but it does still get colder than any of my other fingers ever do.

   Also when the stitches and scabs first came off, my nub was very hypersensitive and the skin pulled very tightly over my nub. Now, seven months later, it is still a little hypersensitive but when i stub my nub it no longer causes me to retract my entire arm and fall to my knees on the ground screaming profanities for about five minutes (the percocet prescription really helped with those moments). The skin around my nub has also loosened up considerably and no longer feels tight, or tense. It is much more relaxed, and the almost protruding edges of the skin where it was once stitched up and pursed out have almost disappeared.

   The hardest part i believe, and perhaps the only thing i feel i actually needed to "overcome" at all were the mixed feelings people were suddenly having about me (to say the least). Not everyone took to my having cut off a finger (willingly) very well and that took not only me time to overcome but those close to me as well who suddenly felt their perceptions of who i am were being challenged. For the most part, all those i care about seem to have adapted and have only now a deeper understanding or realization of who i really am (although a clearer one, perhaps not).

   Aside from all that, adapting took almost no time at all. Typing seems to come to me almost easier than it ever was before. The first time i tried to cut a steak i realized i didn't know how to hold a knife in my left hand, but aside from that there are really only a few actions that come to mind when my own attention is regularly broken and drawn to the fact that i am in fact missing a finger:

Cleaning My Nails: I will clean my nails from my pinky to my pointer,
after my thumb, in an obsessive compulsive manner. Sometimes when i
get to my missing finger my hands often slip away from each other
because i will go to reach for the finger which is no longer there.

Accepting Change: When i get change back from a purchase i usually
reach for it with my left hand so as to put it in my left pocket. However, if
i get too much loose change it will slip over my nub and out of my hand! I have
since figured out a way to cup my hand so as to slide the change into my
pocket without fumbling the change in my fingers and dropping it.

Taking Handfuls of Just About Anything: If i'm too take a handful
of something i'll often do it with my right hand and transfer it to my left,
for my ability to make a first closed fist has been since compromised!

Photoshop Shortcuts: If i have to "ctrl + shift" my reach across the
keyboard one handed to press a third key is not the same it used to be,
and if i have to hold down four keys simultaneously, well, that's
when i take my other hand off the mouse.

   As for "Phantom Pains" or "Phantom Finger" it did feel as though my finger was still attached for a couple of hours, but mostly in a mind-set sort of way. I kept forgetting it was gone, for nothing felt as though it were different. Although i never experienced any phantom pains, i have experienced phantom itch now and then. If i rub my nub correctly, it feels as though my entire finger (although missing) is going numb. Other times, and this only happens scarcely, it feels as though my knuckle itches. The knuckle below the fingertip, the knuckle that is completely missing. This merely happens only time to time, for most of the time it honestly feels as though nothing has changed or were different, except when i forget to adapt to the missing finger and try to type with it or clean the fingernail that's now no longer there.

   This has been, and continues to be, an awesome adventure and i regret absolutely nothing!

~ Jason,
Owner & Operator of Hoy So

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Things I Can No Longer Do:
rather, things i can no longer do very well

My ability to "Live Long & Prosper" is slightly hindered.

My "West Side" is now a little weak...

Closing my fist while wearing gloves, not so easy anymore!

I can no longer effectively count to three on my left hand,
or to four, or to five... my german "3" is even pretty awkward.

--
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Things I Can Still Do:
plus some things i can do even better

I can still wear a ring!

I can look Bad-Ass wearing fingerless gloves!

My hand can head-bang while rocking out!

I can pull off the best finger stuck in nose prank ever!
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::BEWARE::
GRAPHIC IMAGES BEYOND THIS POINT

We were checking out all the photos we have from the evening we cut off our finger and found a few you might be interested in seeing, they tell in themselves a little more behind the entire adventure than words could ever describe.